The Minivan Diaries

The Grand Finale: Fashion Week for Suburban Dads

Fleece is the word.

FRIDAY…

Last night, scores of us sleek suburban dads turned up –and turned heads– at the most prestigious sports bars in the tri-state area, bedecked in dazzling, Rangers-inspired apparel from Modell’s. Though the Blackhawks emerged victorious in subtle, racist-toned tops featuring head dress insignia, I’d like to close out my fashion week coverage by sharing an inspiring quote which my close buddy Tommy Hilfingers once shared with me: “It’s not who wins or loses that counts, it’s who looks better.”  (Shout out to Tommy! Dude, I’m wearing your boat shoes today–with no socks.)

And nobody is going to look better on this Fashion Week Friday than suburban dads. Why? Because we will be wearing exactly the same thing we wear every Friday of every other week. That’s right: FLEECE.  On Monday through Thursday, we’re  all business in our buttoned-up clearance clothes from Banana Republic. But by the end of the work week, it’s time to TGIF. Thank God It’s Fleece Day.

When wearing fleece, particularly on anything-goes occasions like the grand finale of Fashion week, it’s a major “Daddy Don’t”  to “stop at the top.” Instead of selecting a single lime green fleece pullover from the Lands End catalogue, dapper dads like me dare to wrap ourselves from head to toe in a go-to-hell array of fleecy colors and textures. Party on in a pile carpet-quality fleece pullover from the LL Bean catalogue layered over a Thermax microfleece long underwear shirt from the Orvis catalogue paired with ultra-nappy après-ski fleece stretch slacks from the Patagonia catalogue (chocolate) and swirling, tripped-out patterned fleece bootie slippers from the Eddie Bauer catalogue.

This fluffy ensemble can be worn with confidence wherever your sizzling weekend plans take you, whether it’s the family room, the playroom, or even the laundry room. And when every other Saturday night rolls around, don’t be afraid to strut your fleecy stuff in the bedroom as well. After all, what suburban wife wouldn’t want to have marital relations with a spouse dressed like Fozie Bear?

And now, my haute-couture comrades, I’d like to thank you for following my fashion coverage this week, and to remind each and every one of you that Costco is currently stocking swimming trunks that would be ideal for those of you spending school vacation next week at your in-laws’ condo complex in Deerfield Beach, Florida. As for me, I’ll be combing the malls of Milan and the Chuck E. Fromage’s of Paris, prepping for next year’s edition of…

Fashion Week for Suburban Dads


2 Comments

  1. Mary Ellen Bavaro
    Posted March 1, 2012 at 8:44 am | Permalink

    This KILLED me! Especially the Fozzie Bear comment (altho I think you misspelled his name:) and your concluding reference to Chuck E. FROMAGE:)! And what’s the true test of your hystericalness? That totally single and kidless types like me can laugh their asses of at your fabulous writing:). Have a great day! XO M.E.

    • dan
      Posted March 5, 2012 at 5:24 pm | Permalink

      Mary Ellen, thanks for the note. Is it spelled Fozzie Bare?

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